


One Small Change

by PeroxidePirate



Series: One Small Change [2]
Category: Tortall - Pierce
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-06
Updated: 2010-02-06
Packaged: 2017-10-07 01:37:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/59990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeroxidePirate/pseuds/PeroxidePirate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU in which there was one small change to Kel's world: Alanna's true identity was never publicly revealed. It's amazing how many other things are different.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Kel's Secret

**Author's Note:**

> A series of ficlets written for the 2010 Tortall Smackdown at the Goldenlake Forum, http://fiefgoldenlake.proboards.com/ .

“I don't know how to say this,” Keladry began. “But, Uline... this isn't going to work.”

Uline froze, hands on the laces of her bodice. “What? Kel, no--”

“Please,” Kel interrupted. “It's not you, Uline. I just... can't.”

“Give me a reason. A really good reason, when we've been sneaking kisses the better part of a year...”

“I'm only a page. You'd have to wait years until I'm a knight.”

“I'll wait.” Her pretty face was hard with determination.

“And Mindelan is a minor fief – not like Hannalof. And I'm only a younger son. You deserve better.”

Uline's expression shifted to exasperated affection, and she took Kel's hands. “Keldan of Mindelan, you're far too noble for a boy.”

_If only you knew,_ Keladry thought. _Next time, this would go a little bit further, and you'd find out._ “I'm sorry,” she said, trying to hide her sadness. “It's over.”


	2. Wasted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My lone Smackdown entry for Wyldon of Cavall.

From the last boat, Kel watched her former training master. She could see the moment he noticed the shape of her breasts against the borrowed tunic. His surprised gaze flicked to her face – cheeks still smooth after days of rough travel – then back to her chest, then to her eyes. He took in her expression: neither anger nor shame, just resignation, tempered by defiance.

Kel hardly knew how she climbed out of the boat; she was scarcely aware when Lord Wyldon pardoned her friends and sent them on their way. She kept her emotions locked away, face carefully blank, until she and Wyldon were alone.

Wyldon glanced from Kel to the group of children who were slowly moving away. “Do all those people know?”

“Yes, my lord.”

“Your secret's out, then. What will you do now?”

Kel gulped. “End up on Traitor's Hill, I imagine.” His disappointment was almost as painful as knowing she faced execution.

“I'll argue against it,” he said gravely. “But there will have to be some punishment for making a mockery of Knighthood like this. Perhaps confinement to a convent, or to the grounds of the Temple of the Great Mother.

She didn't know whether to be hopeful or terrified. “I understand, my lord.”

He gripped her shoulders. “What a waste,” he said sadly. His lips brushed her forehead in a kiss that was at once benediction and condemnation. His hands were shaking.


	3. Whispers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uline puts two and two together.

Three things Uline of HaMinch could never explain about her former sweetheart, Keldan of Mindelan: why he so often spoke in whispers, how he never grew even a shadow of beard, and why – for someone so eager to kiss her – he seemed so reluctant to press his body to hers.

His youth might explain the later two – they knew each other when he was very young. Uline could think of nothing that explained the whispering.

Until one day, years later, she heard a crier bringing news from the Scanran front: "Mindelan knight is actually a woman!"


	4. Understanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This AU is not a happy place.

“Uline!” Kel said, startled. Her voice – low, for a woman's, but obviously female – echoed through the halls of the temple dormatory. “What are you doing here?”

Uline looked down at her slippers, smooth pink silk on the rough flagstone floor, and wondered how to explain. Kel's feet were bare.

She couldn't say, _I just had to see you._ Not when all of Corus was treating the woman knight like a side-show attraction. But it was the truth.

“I wanted to tell you I understand.”

Kel laughed bitterly. “How could you?”

“No, I don't understand what it's like to be you,” Uline hastily explained. “But I understand why...” She swallowed, then tried again. “I understand the why of everything that happened... and didn't... between us.”_ I want to know what could happen now._

“I owe you an apology.” Kel's voice dropped into the familiar, serious whisper in which Page Keldan had once spoken promises of love. “No boy – no man – could resist you. What else could I do?”

Uline froze, realization dawning. “That's all I was to you? Part of the disguise?”

“Of course.” Kel straightened her shoulders, oblivious to the way her shape filled the undyed tunic she wore. “What kind of unnatural creature do you think I am?”

“I see,” Uline said softly.

She blinked away tears as she left the temple grounds.


	5. Self-Protection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kel's been changed by the need to keep secrets. She's not who she could have been.

"Uline!” Kel said, startled. The priestess-guards were supposed to ask her before admitting visitors. “What are you doing here?”

Uline looked down, so Kel couldn't see her face. “I wanted to tell you I understand.”

Kel laughed bitterly. There was only one person in the world who could understand how she felt – and thank the Gods she had managed to protect her patron, if not herself. “How could you?”

“No, I don't understand what it's like to be you,” Uline admitted. “But I understand why...” She swallowed, then tried again. “I understand the why of everything that happened... and didn't... between us.”

_Not likely._ “I owe you an apology,” Kel whispered, afraid of the emotion her voice would betray if she spoke louder. “No boy – no man – could resist you. What else could I do?”

“That's all I was to you? Part of the disguise?”

“Of course.” Kel hardened her heart to the pain on the other woman's face. She was confined to the temple grounds for life; she couldn't afford to offend her keepers. No matter how much she wanted to take Uline in her arms... “What kind of unnatural creature do you think I am?”

“I see,” Uline said softly.

Alone in her room, Kel asked herself that question, again and again: _What kind of unnatural creature am I?_


End file.
